Friday, February 4, 2011
Sometimes I feel like a bad person when there is that one thing in my life that I don't think I'll ever "get over." I have my good and bad days but Jan 31st will never be a good day in my book no matter how many years away from 2009 we get. Everyone says that I will forget when i am happy and have other dates to replace that one with but I have also heard from others that that date (plus other dates from significant things that happened during that time in my life) will always be in my heart and on my mind. I agree with the later. Dates have always been a big deal to me. I used to remember the birthday of EVERYONE I have ever met and the date for every significant thing that ever happened in my life as a child. Now I don't remember much of that and have to write things down so i don't forget them. But I know there are dates that I will never forget. Jan 31st, Feb 22nd and April 24th. These dates will always be a part of my life no matter who i am/become in the future. I am not gonna force myself to be sad on those dates or anything but my heart is usually heavy whether I show it on my face or not. Monday was ok but today was not. This whole week has been a blur and think it's because when I get depressed I sleep..not on purpose half the time either..it just happens. I had a horrible dream last night and it made me realize all the more that this will always be a had time of year. When you make a promise that is expected to last a life time and then have it ripped away 8 weeks later, it takes a tole on the soul. I pray one day that these things will become easier to grasp but two YEARS (a long time) later and it still hurts...a lot.