Wednesday, December 28, 2011


I can't believe December will be over in a few short days and then we will be entering the year of (dun dun dun...) 2012!!!! It's a year that the calendar has been dreading since the beginning of time as we know it today! I think it's just going to be another year that we will all look back on a laugh about, just like 2000, but who knows. I highly doubt Jesus will be coming back in the year that everyone has predicted He will because it says "no one knows the day or the hour." Matthew 24:36
Anyways, December.....this has been an interesting month. Of course the Holidays are always hard because it is a time of much family oriented activity, so naturally i spend a lot of time longing for one of my own. I did get to play mommy for a weekend though and that was blast! One of my former students, his little brother and I hung out for the entire weekend while mom and dad were in Vegas. It definitely made me want kids that much more. Once I have a man you all better watch out because I am gonna pop out 15 little mini me's to attack you with hugs and kisses! Ok....maybe not, but Lord willing I really would love to have a ton of kids!
Speaking of family, I am very blessed to have the family i have who supports me and loves me even when i'm a mess. My twinner came to visit which was awesome. I love getting to be adults together. We spent so much of our childhood searching for our own identities and pushing each other away. So, now it's nice to want to be together. The few days she was here were insanely busy, so sadly we didn't get to spend as much time together as we would have liked, but that's ok.
I was very blessed this year with an unexpected gift from a VERY unexpected giver and a bag left on my parent's front porch with my name and nothing else on it that was full of gifts and money. God sure does take care of me through His people! So needless to say I was very well taken care of and i am now fully able to pay rent come the first. It will be an awesome way to start the new year off! There are many exciting things happening in the coming year but it's too much to talk about yet. BUT, The first and very exciting thing to kick it all off will be Piglet's first bday! Can't wait!

Sorry for rambling as usual. Maybe one day my brain will function like a normal human being again and i can write something interesting. Until get this.


Saturday, December 3, 2011


Today was a good day. I came over to my parent's house and spent the whole day cleaning, shopping for decorations and decorating their house and patio with my mommy. We done good and had a lot of fun! It looks cute! Now it officially looks and feels like their house anyways. Mine we will tackle another time.
ps...yesterday i did something very embarrassing but totally funny at the same time! After finishing my blog I proceeded to post it to my facebook...or so i thought. turns out i didn't realize that the dad of the baby i nanny was signed on and i posted it to his page! lol...ooooops! I am so glad we are all friends and can laugh about stuff like that because if we weren't it would have been horribly awkward!!

Friday, December 2, 2011


I had such a good vacation in Oklahoma! I am in love with it there and can't wait to go back! After getting home I felt very rested and not stressed at all but didn't realize how tired I was until I fell asleep on my friend's couch at 7pm last night. oops! I am thankful to be home and back to the grind with my friends, family and jobs. I must say I miss it when I'm gone but I am also looking forward to new adventures! I have so much to say but not really the clarity of thought to say it all right now! Maybe next week i will have everything processed and can spit it all out. Until then...i got nothin.
Seeking God's will for my life every step of the way,

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Potlucks, Preparations and Pure blessings!

After weeks of looking for a new carseat (it's so much easier to have my own for the little guy i nanny and my nephew), i was totally blessed with one this week! Tuesday night I was looking at them online and started telling a friend about it when she speaks up and says "I have one that has been sitting in my car for a year cause i don't need it anymore. do you want it?!" what a blessing!! Isn't it awesome how in the body of Christ we all take care of one another?! I just love it!
Today was our international potluck at church!!! So much good food! I must say though, I'm kinda fooded (yes i just made up a word!) out! It seems like every time i turn around i am making something new to bring to a party, gathering or potluck! I love cooking and baking but I am ready to take a break! I guess it just comes with the season!
I leave in 4 days for Oklahoma so yesterday I went shopping to get some warm clothes. Today I did all 5 loads of laundry that i've needed to do for a while. Tomorrow I only work half day and then I go visit a friend and start packing. Tuesday I'm working another half day then going to Trader Joes to get some requested items for the Walker family and then get to PACKING PACKING PACKING (and hopefully finish)!!!! I'm sooooo excited! I hope you all have a blessed Thanksgiving!

Friday, November 11, 2011


Many things are happening today on 11-11-11..... Birthdays, weddings, expectant mothers hoping for their babies to arrive on such a cool date as this and so on. But the most important thing that this date brings to my mind is Veterans day! My entire life some part of my small world has revolved around an army life style. My daddy has been in the Army National Guard for as long as I can remember and my brother followed in his footsteps joining the United States Army as an infantry man. This brings some good memories, some bad ones and some sad ones. My favorite memories are the ones of time spent on the base in San Luis Obispo. Many a time we went with my dad while he was serving on that base. I have very clear memories of running through empty fields finding crazy treasures, playing on tall tree stumps, sleepless nights in very small rooms, many different accommodations including camping, single person rooms, houses, condos...etc (the houses being my favorite of course), meeting a lot of loud and scary (to a small child) army men, playing in the rock stream in town, going to the COOLEST kids museum EVER and wandering around down town. The ones that stick out the most though are when my dad got promoted in rank. I don't ever remember being as proud of my dad as the handful of occasions when I got to watch this happen. I honestly have no idea what's going on half the time when it happens but the sense of pride beaming on my father's face is a site worth seeing no matter how young or old I was!
Now, when my brother joined the army, a whole new ball park of emotions came along. I was just about to turn 16. After 15 years of seeing the world through VERY different eyes, we were finally starting to get along. I liked having a big brother around who could protect me if I ever needed. The day he told me he was leaving I was very angry but i knew there was a job to be done so off he went to boot camp. A few months later we found ourselves in the miserably hot and humid state of Georgia to celebrate his graduation. This was an interesting experience to say the least! Shortly there after he made his way to Washington. We were secretly praying that he would not fall into the category of people that would be sent to relieve the groups of men who had been serving in Iraq since that awful day back in 2001. Of course, He was. So I rushed in to In-N-Out (where I was employed at the time) with tears streaming down my cheeks to ask for a few VERY last minute days off so I can go visit him before He was deployed. My boss was very kind and I still remember the words he said to me. He said, "Who am I to tell you that you are not allowed to go visit your brother whom you may never see again after this day? GO!" My mom, Dad, Twin sister and "sissy" got in my grandparents 7 passenger van and off we went! The 24 hour drive was just as long as the 24 hour visit that ended in a 24 hour drive back home. What a whirlwind! I would not have exchanged that visit for ANYTHING in the world though! Next thing we knew we didn't know where he was (other then "in Iraq") or how he was doing because war is not pretty and you can't call home whenever you feel like it. I spent many nights lying in bed praying for him and crying myself to sleep only to hope that one day I would get to see him again. I still remember the day I got "the call" like it was yesterday. I was babysitting and playing hard with 2 very rowdy little boys when my cell phone rang. It was my mom. I don't really remember what she said. She told me not to worry and then proceeded to tell me that my brother had been injured in combat. They got a call from someone saying he was in the hospital but it wasn't very bad so not to worry. Little did we know, that was not the case at all! He was very badly injured and would spend a lot more time in the hospital then we thought because he was hit by shrapnel from a hand grenade. His knee was a mess and his leg was full of the tiny little shards. They kept him at war anyways. So after a visit home, which only people who obtained purple hearts could take, and a very long end to his "tour" he was home safe. Shortly there after they discharged him honorably for his injuries and PTSD which to this day haunts him.
I am very proud to call both these people my family! As much as my brother and I don't get along and my dad and I butt heads when I was growing up, I can honestly say that I respect their willingness to give up their lives to protect mine.
My dad is not only an amazing worrier in this world but also a warrior for the kingdom of God. He has taught me more about a genuine love for Jesus then anyone else in this world has. I have never seen someone so humbly admit to their mistakes like he does and daily admit to needing more of Jesus. He is a leader, a comforter, a warrior, a teacher and a friend. I love my daddy!

So all of that to say...HAPPY VETERANS DAY EVERYONE! Honor a Vet today!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Third times the charm?!

So for reals this time! Unless something happens to my friends computer (which i now have access to twice a week) then i can actually blog again! YAY!
So to catch you all up on life:
At the end of the summer came many changes for me. I decided that Starbucks and I needed a break up! So, as I was driving to work one morning at the hour only God knows exists, I began to pray. I asked Him for direction and to PLEASE (!) give me a job that did NOT involve getting up at 3am! I was tired and VERY done with WEE hours of the morning after 5 years of on again off again relationship with the coffee cup. I had shared my desire to not work at Starbucks anymore with a friend a few days prior to that prayer. Little did I know God would answer so quickly! Out of the blue my friend called me and said "Hey one of my friends from high school and his wife who i am still friends with on facebook just posted they are looking for a babysitter. Would you like me to pass on your information?" I said "YES PLEASE!" and on we went with our day. That night I was with my Nephew, Caleb and about to drop him off back at home when my phone rang. I didn't answer because it was a number i did not recognize. I listened to the message and was shocked to realize it was Katie's friends (Kimberly and Stephen) calling me already! I called back a few minutes later and we agreed that i would come meet them in a couple of days. During our time of meeting Kimberly and I hit it off! We became fast friends when we realized that this was all a part of God's plan! They are Jesus loving believers who had been praying for months for someone to come take care of their precious baby boy (also named Caleb) two days a week! There were a few bumps along the way trying to figure out scheduling but we figured it out and I started with them a few days later! God is good and the rest if history!
Back to Starbucks, Our breakup was messy and I miss it a lot but it needed to happen! I still try to stay in touch with my friends whom i have known and grown to love for the time i was there but change is always hard.
In other news, I also found out that I am going to be an auntie for the second and third time in March! My other non related "sissy" and "brother" and my biological brother are expecting their first born children! Kristin and Jonathon ("sissy" and "brother") are due on my birthday!! I told her she has no choice now and MUST have the baby on her due date because I want a "triplet" on my 25th birthday! lol!
For those of you still reading I give you props because this is the post of randomness!
Since quitting Starbucks i have been quite the busy lady with the weekend trips! My last day of work (friday of labor day weekend) I rushed to my parents house and we were on the road minutes later headed for lake tahoe. My cousin was being deployed for six months so we were going to see her off. It was so nice to spend so much time with my family and not have to worry about missing out on work and money!
2 weeks later was the all church campout! This is one of my favorite events every year! There is nothing better then sitting around, playing games and doing nothing with the people from your church family!
My mom, dad, myself and good friend Amber added in a day trip to apple country for my mom's bday a few weeks later. We didn't get to pick apples sadly enough but we found a little quilt show, shopped around in the adorable stores and had our traditional stops at the farm and apple annie's restaurant!
Missions week at my church was awesome and lit my fire for missions once more! It makes me sad that I did not end up on the field like I thought i was supposed to but I HIGHLY doubt God's reason for me being trained to go is over yet!
This last weekend I went with the jr high group from my church to iddlywild! We go every year for their retreat but this year it SNOWED! This was the first time in 15 years of visiting that particular camp that we have had snow during our weekend! The kids has a blast and I'm not gonna lie, I DID TOO! Snow is seriously one of those things that makes my heart skip a beat! I think my favorite quote of the weekend (Which i didn't actually hear but was told about later) was "It smells like shampoo!" while passing the cow farms on the way up! I would sure like to know what kind of shampoo you are using drake!
Anyways, Fall is most definitely my favorite time of year! The weather is changing and the rains have started to fall! My cousin and I have been using these chilly nights to learn how to cook (more her learning and me teaching ;) lol) and expand our gluten free horizons. Oh yes, that was also a change that occurred this fall. After major discussions with both our doctors we agreed to try going gluten free if we could do it together. We have what they label as "gluten intolerance." The diet has made an intense difference in both of us and we are so glad we are doing it! Our "suzy homemaker" nights have been a blast! Pioneer women is teaching us a lot! ;)
Soon enough it will be Thanksgiving! I am going to OK to visit the Walker family! I think from the countdown I have been randomly posting on her facebook wall, Julie can tell I am excited!
I can't believe it is almost Christmas! This year is extra exciting because I get to see my Twister (=twin sister)! I miss her so much!
Wow, I should have a prize for those of you who got to the end of this! I am sure it was way more information about my life then you needed to know but it felt good to get it all out!
So for now I'll leave you with this thought which was formed from reading the book of Hosea:
If God tells you to do something, DO IT! Even if that means marrying a prostitute, leaving the life you have always known to chance an unknown dream, or cutting up your credit cards in a time of financial hardship! God has a plan that only He can see sometimes and it's best to just take the hand He is holding out to you and follow then try to run away. Anytime you want to run just think about the possibility of being swallowed by a big fish! Jonah thought twice after that experience! His plans are always going to turn out better then ours! Can I get an AMEN?!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Taboo Topics

I Love my church and the fact that they are willing to cover taboo topics that are biblicaly wrong but culture tells us to just do it because it "feels right."
Today's topic: Divorce. Obviously a hard topic to listen to but so good.
ONLY reasons for divorce/end of marital commitment:
1. Death of a spouse
2. Divorce because of marital infidelity
3. Divorce because by an unbelieving spouse

Listen to it...this is good

Monday, October 3, 2011

if only it was as easy as it is to say....

Forgiveness...this word has been haunting me lately! Tonight I realized that as much distance as there is between us and as much pain and anger we have in our history of siblinghood....I love my brother. I hate the life he has chosen for himself but that is not my's for God to deal with. All I know is that he is a hero. He did what most of us couldn't and fought for our freedom. He took a grenade to the leg fighting for me...for us...for our country and I should respect him for that. I wish he would run back to Jesus with open arms and I pray that one day this child he is bringing into the world will learn to love Jesus too. So I pray...for him....for the child and for my wicked heart.
1 John 4:7-21
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot [a] love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

Pray for my heart. I need this raw truth!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

blogging and I don't seem to be friends...

Funny story: I was telling you all in my last post that my computer finally had internet so now I can blog! Well, my dog chewed through the power cord so since then we have been back to square one..lame! I can write on my phone but it is extremely annoying so most often I choose not to. Someday I will be able to blog again but until then friends...ciao!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

internet is a good thing to have when you want to blog

My friend helped me set up the internet on my phone to my computer today and I am SOOOO thankful! It has been too long and now hopefully I can blog!
As I was driving and thinking today a thought came to my mind. I am not sure I have had this one yet. I was praying for Jeremiah and I thanked God for everything He used to teach me and Jeremiah in the horrible circumstances. After I said it I thought to myself "Thank you?! Am I really thankful for going through something so horrible?!" The answer: Yes I am. Would I change what happened if I had a chance? I'm not sure I would. I can't believe that at the age of 24 I have learned so much and come so far. 
I have gone through emotions, pain and growth that I never knew was possible.
I have learned to be ok with the situation no matter what it is. 
And all because of the places God chose to take me and break me until I followed HIS plan. I am blessed!! I AM THANKFUL!! I would like to feel whole again of course but i don't think i would change the brokenness for a "normal" life. I am finally O-K-A-Y with being alone....PRAISE GOD! 

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

What if His blessings come through rain drops?

I love Laura Story's newest song called "Blessings." She went through a very heart breaking experience with her husband's health and this song came out of that. It basically is as if she wrote it for me. The lyrics go like this:
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

This is right where my heart is at right now. I love meditating on the words. Yesterday I was asked by someone if I ever felt hopeless, or a lack of passion. One time I do remember wanting to give up on life in general but other then that the answer has been no. I told her that maybe in the situations that I have been dealing with I have felt that each circumstance might be hopeless. but LIFE has not been hopeless or passionless because my hope is in the Lord. She was surprised by that answer. I mean obviously I have had my days where I probably have said life is pointless but all in all I have always known where to keep my hope. Why would I give up on the one thing that gives me a reason to live?! That would be such a waste! I am excited to see where the summer leads me. Healing is coming to a close. I am being given tools to close this chapter of pain, anguish and suffering and it is sooooo freeing and rejuvenating! I know this is not the last trial I will go through but it's ok because "what if His blessings come through rain drops? What if His healing comes through tears?" It makes it worth that pain. 
Father's day was a special day where not only was I able to celebrate with my dad and another "dad" of mine but also because it is a day when we get to celebrate our ABBA. I always love going to church on Father's day. What an appropriate place where we can show our love for our abba Father and remember and appreciate Him! 


Ps...Sissssssster..I miss you but I love reading your blog and seeing how much you are learning and discovering! 

Saturday, June 18, 2011


Well friends, With no internet comes no blogs. I have had a lot going on in my head lately and frankly probably would not have been able to put it into words. That will change soon enough hopefully. It seems as if i don't even know what I am thinking as of late. The one thing that never changes is the Word of God is powerful and comforting. I have been trying to be better about reading it lately and failing miserably. BUT when i do sit down and read i am truly blessed. tears have been my friend and satan has been my enemy but all in all life keeps trudging along and my feet keep dragging behind me. I have an interesting encounter on monday which could be life altering. we shall see. As a line from a good song goes "God is great, beer is good and people are crazy." sums it up right there.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


Today, when I got to church, I went to sit in the row of seats my family always sits. Someone was sitting there talking to my grandma who always sits in front of us, so I moved over a few seats. When she got up my mom noticed there was a card sitting on the seat with my first and last name written on it (there are maaany Sarah's at church but this was clearly for me). As worship was starting I opened the card to see that it was one of our church's encouragement cards that you can get from the office to fill out for anyone and give it to them. The only thing it said on the inside was "GOD BLESS" with a very generous gift inside!!! GOD IS SOOOOOOO AMAZING in the way HE provides!!! I am in aw! Thank you Lord!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Easily excited

Is it sad that one of the most exciting moments of my week is getting the grocery store adds in the mail?! Cause I totally get all excited! (wow..what a California way of saying that "I totally get all excited!" bring on the blond hair and rainbow sandals! haha) It becomes a plan of attack. I set them all out on the floor around me and map out my shopping trip! HA! I Was kinda disappointed at this weeks adds though. There is another good deal on cereal that also includes granola bars and other such items so I'll be hitting that up at Stater Brothers! Other then that...not much to report.
Sarah and I met at the stables today and played with Cash for a good two hours. We had a blast trying to get his lazy butt up and moving! I love horse days!
Tomorrow is AUNTIE/PIGLET DAY!!! It probably tops getting the adds in the mail as far as excitement level! haha! I love spending time with my little bundle of joy!!

Sunday, April 3, 2011


Today I was talking to my mom about being a bargain shopper. I always fill them in on all the good deals cause that is how I roll on such a tight budget. This week I had so much fun running from one store to the next hitting all the amazing deals! At Albertsons they had buy 3 boxes of cereal for only 5 dollars and THEN get a FREE gallon of milk along with them!! WOOOOOOW! Then I hopped over to Stater Brothers where they had their 75th anniversary sale by selling a lot of products for 75 cents and then on top of that a 10 item sale where when you bought any of the 10 items in any of the categories you would get 7.50 off your total. They were cheap items too like 1 and 2 dollar products. I was trying to remember the 75 cent products to tell my mom and one of them that I hadn't mentioned was cheese. I said "they had soap, ect, ect...oh cheese." Right when I said Cheese Hercules turned his head and looked at me because that it is his nick name. It was so funny! we got a kick out of it! I should start blogging about penny pinching. It is quite the art form and I enjoy every minute of it!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Blessings among Blessings

Seems like this is just a good time of year! I have another amazing opportunity standing before me! My friend Sarah bought a horse last week. We used to have horses together but hers died about the same time I had to give mine away before moving to Europe. Sooooooo when she was thinking about getting another horse she called me and asked if I wanted to get in on this! We decided that I would clean (which is saving her money) and pay her a VERY minimal amount (since I have NO extra money) to be able to share in her fun with the Horsey! I am so excited that this opportunity came about for us! The horses were such amazing therapy for me during my entire childhood and now I get to add this to the healing process!! Blessed beyond measure! Thank you God and Sarah for allowing me to be a part of this! I am already in love with Cash. :)

Thursday, March 31, 2011


I am soooooooo excited while i sit here and listen to the broadcast of the angel's game!!! It brings back so many childhood memories of sitting on the floor of my grandparents family room in their anaheim house watching the angels play! Don't mess around and make noise while baseball is on!! ;) I love me some baseball!! I get really excited this time of year! Let's go Halos!!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

It must be time to move on

I was listening to good old country music today on pandora and came across this song that i had never heard before. I love pandora because it gives you the lyrics to every song it plays for you! This one really hit home! The lyrics were as if i had written them myself! I love music that way.
"Yeah I'm ready to feel now,
no longer am I afraid of the fall down,
it must be time to move on now,
without the fear of how it might end,  
I guess I'm ready to love again"
God has really been working wonders in my heart lately and I am so ready to love again! I am filled with His joy and Love every day. It is so healing and makes me feel sooooo freeeeeeeeeee! I think for a long time I was afraid to let go of the past because I didn't want to feel like it never happened but that is so not reality at all! God wants me to look back on those times with feelings of growth. It is ok to be sad but not to dwell on it because it is over and God is going to do so much more in the future that will be sooooooo worth the wait and the pain of the past! I can't wait! So here's to letting go and running full speed ahead!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Long time no write

I am finally connected to the world again after three years without tv and 2 years without internet!! It is a weird feeling and I kind of don't like the distraction but I am hoping I can actually get back to blogging clearing my thoughts through writing them down. The last three months have been crazy! The beginning of the year always seems that way with dates I don't like to remember, a gagillion birthdays to celebrate, moving (usually happens at the beginning of the year for me), new hopes, dreams and goals! I get kind of lost in it all and a lot of times forget to breath much less stay connected with the world! The biggest things I remember about Jan are:
1. A new life perspective (which sadly I have mostly forgotten about by now but I plan on changing that!)
2. Caleb was born and then put in the hospital twice within the first week of life
3. I started babysitting for some friends once a week and fell in love with their kids!
4. God provided over and over and over even when I doubted
5. The last day of the month has and always will suck in my book
6. Started a once a month reconnection time with close friends
The things I remember about Feb are:
1. God provided an AMAZING apartment
2. Moved into said apartment
3. Stressed about how I was going to afford said apartment
4. God provides again and again and again
5. many parties and gatherings with close friends so they could see my new place
6. went to see my SEWAH for Valentine's day and it was the most amazingly blessed 5 days i've had in FOREVER!
7. Had a HORRRIBLE week and thought my world was falling apart but then God provided yet again! (why do i doubt?!)
8. Realized how much I love my mom and how much her and my dad love and care for me!
9. my mom and i fixed my fridge and it was hilariously awesome!
Things I remember most about March are:
1. March 1st marked "Happy birthday month!"
2. Realizing how much I love having a march birthday and a twinner to celebrate with!
3. big family party
4. Getting pretty sick
5. 1st Auntie/Piglet date!
6. Tattoo with my twinner and meant to be wombmate
8. Wendy and Isabel came to visit
Like I said, busy! The more I look back at the last three months the more I realize how much I love Jesus and being like a child while dancing with Him daily! I love kids as I am sure I mentioned a thousand times! Getting to be with them every day is a joy and it confirms in my heart on a regular basis that Jesus wants us to have child like faith asking questions and being silly in His presence! My heart is full of Joy today! I just love Jesus so much! The tattoo I got on Thursday is a physical statement of my love for Jesus! I have wanted to get one for many years but waited for so long because I did not want to just get a tattoo I wanted it to have more meaning then anyone would ever know by just looking at it! I will leave you with what it means to me. The sign for "I love you" has always been special to me. Not only is it special because of my background in sign but because my nana would always wave "I love you" when she was saying goodbye as children instead of just waving with a typical open handed wave. Also my cousin and I decided that it needed the nail hole in the wrist because the cross was Jesus ultimate act of love.
The rambling is probably expected of me now but sorry anyways. 
I love you Jesus!

 Dancing in His presence always,

Friday, February 4, 2011


Sometimes I feel like a bad person when there is that one thing in my life that I don't think I'll ever "get over." I have my good and bad days but Jan 31st will never be a good day in my book no matter how many years away from 2009 we get. Everyone says that I will forget when i am happy and have other dates to replace that one with but I have also heard from others that that date (plus other dates from significant things that happened during that time in my life) will always be in my heart and on my mind. I agree with the later. Dates have always been a big deal to me. I used to remember the birthday of EVERYONE I have ever met and the date for every significant thing that ever happened in my life as a child. Now I don't remember much of that and have to write things down so i don't forget them. But I know there are dates that I will never forget. Jan 31st, Feb 22nd and April 24th. These dates will always be a part of my life no matter who i am/become in the future. I am not gonna force myself to be sad on those dates or anything but my heart is usually heavy whether I show it on my face or not. Monday was ok but today was not. This whole week has been a blur and think it's because when I get depressed I sleep..not on purpose half the time just happens. I had a horrible dream last night and it made me realize all the more that this will always be a had time of year. When you make a promise that is expected to last a life time and then have it ripped away 8 weeks later, it takes a tole on the soul. I pray one day that these things will become easier to grasp but two YEARS (a long time) later and it still hurts...a lot.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Bitter Sweet

This week has been full of so much joy and sorrow all at once. It is so hard to see so many people hurting and others walking away from God and their family. But in the midst of all of this pain and sorrow God has blessed me beyond all measure. He has helped me get one step closer to the things that He placed on my heart and I blogged about in "new year, new perspective." On Feb 10th I have the privilege of an all expenses paid for trip to see my sewah in Orlando Florida! Then three days after I arrive back at home I will be getting the keys to my new apartment that is PERFECT for my every need and desire! Feb 19th is the big move! This is the most exciting new step in my life! I can't wait to move to this place but I am also sad to leave the apartment I am in. It was MY "first" apartment that I lived in all by myself. It was a place of healing and change. It was near my friends, parents and my church. If I was having an "I hate my life" day then I knew my mom and dad were right around the corner. I could walk to their house, sit in their living room and be surrounded by the people that love me and would never walk out on me. My mom could come and take care of me when I was sick in no time at all. It was in the neighborhood that I grew up in so I knew every thing on every corner. Even though I am only moving 8 miles from where I am living now it is still not around the corner anymore. It may seem silly to cry about this but I am truly going to miss the privilege of  being 1 minute from my parents. I know Hercules will miss being with his papa every day. I Never imagined myself being the type that would like living alone but this "first" apartment of my own taught me a lot about myself. I like having a place of peace and solitude when I need it. I could go home and cry, just me and God and not have to wonder if someone was going to walk in on me. It is nice being able to get up at 3am not feeling bad for waking anyone up so early. I needed that time of being close to my family and friends and yet having my own space to heal. My 401 square foot box was just perfect for me and Hercules at the time. The community was beautiful, even though i didn't know a single soul the whole time i lived there. I am looking forward to having storage space, an assigned parking spot (I never realized how much of a privilege this is), a one butt kitchen (I currently have a half butt kitchen, haha, no joke), space to entertain, a central location to a lot of my orange county friends and family, a smaller community where I can actually get to know my neighbors, lots of game/movie nights, a comfortable space where i am motivated to spend more time, A BED (this is also a privilege that I never knew was a privilege until space did not allow for one), closet space that is used for only cloths and not EVERYTHING I own, serving the Lord with everything I have and much much more. 
As for the sorrow and pain that has been occurring lately, let's just say sometimes I think it might feel worse to watch someone go through the single thing that you went through and would NEVER wish upon anyone. Someone near and dear to my heart is causing that pain upon someone else very near and dear to my heart and it makes me sick to my stomach. It sucks that I can say "I know how you feel" and actually mean it. I know EXACTLY what this person is going through and that hurts. It would be awesome if the people that cause this type of pain on others would realize that they are not just hurting the person directly effected by their decisions but also everyone around them! I am shocked that someone of my own flesh and blood could do something like this. Anyways...I should stop there before I say things that I regret later.
It is hard to take all of these emotions in at once. I often find myself crying tears of joy and sorrow at the same time. God is good and that is the truth I can not stop proclaiming. This always has been and always will be truth!

Monday, January 17, 2011

I witnessed a Miracle

Saturday afternoon at 1:16pm I witnessed a Miracle, the birth of my little nephew, Caleb Alexander Stilson. I have never seen anything like that before. IT WAS THE COOLEST EXPERIENCE EVER!!! I don't even have the words to describe it. I cried like a baby when they put him on Jacquelyn's chest and said "here's your baby." I don't even know what to say. I waited a few days to post this to see if i would be able to come up with the words and there are none. Other then this is just one more thing that goes to show me that GOD IS AMAZING and made us so intricate and complex all for the purpose of glorifying Him. This is the beginning of a journey. The journey of a new little human being that will hopefully grow up to Glorify our maker with his life. I love you already Caleb Alexander Stilson!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Injury, Blessings and more blah blah blah

Today I was at work and hit my head on a cash drawer. It hurt. Resulting in this. Meet Fransisco the goose egg.
There is so much to write about but I  don't even know where to start. First of all I guess I should say, God is good..all the time. He has blessed me BEYOND what I have ever deserved and seems to never stop blessing me even though I suck sometimes. Yesterday I went to School's First FCU and transferred my car loan to them. It was the easiest thing I have ever done and I got a VERY low interest rate along with super amazing deals. Like no payments in August or Sept because those are my two lowest paying months, aaand lower payments. Next I will transfer my credit card to them. Praise God for helping me be a better steward of my money! 
Also today I got a picture text from my Sewah with this picture! She is amazing and paid for me to come visit her in 4 weeks so we could be together for Valentine's day!!! What a gift this is!!!!  
 I can't wait for this!
 Hopefully this weekend I will have a nephew! Jacquelyn is in the beginnings of labor stages and we are hoping the baby will come on his own and not have to be induced on Monday....
 I spent two different times with my cousin this week. We are kindred spirits. We secretly think that we were meant to be triplets but then God decided the three of us would be too much to handle together so He separated us to the next best thing, Cousins! We call each other "meant to be wombmates" and it's so true. We just get each other. We can both be talking a million miles and minute and track like it ain't nobody's business.  I Sure do love her! We are planning something special to help resemble our wombmateness and hopefully it will play out on our birthday! YAY! 
Anyways..that is all for now. Hope it wasn't too much ramblings for one post!
Loph you all!

Monday, January 10, 2011

"Little Bit Stronger" Sara Evans

 These are pretty much my thoughts as of late. I am wayyyyy stronger now! Thank you Jesus! Lots to blog about but no energy to do so now. Hopefully it will happen soon.

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Relying on JESUS!

I am saddened by the pain people put themselves through when they don't rely on Jesus and Jesus alone. We all fall and run away but when you deliberately go against everything you know is good on a daily basis because it is "easier" then you are just asking for more pain! You aren't just hurting yourself but also EVERYONE around you! I wish people would understand that....

Sunday, January 2, 2011

New year, New life perspective

So as many of you know the last few years have been a challenge for me. A lot has happened and God has really been stretching and growing me in MAAAAANY ways! He has really placed it on my heart that 2011 needs to be epic. He wants me to change my perspective on life completely and focus WHOLLY on Him. I also know that this will be a year of Miracles. I'm calling it and sticking to it so at the end of the year I can say "God, We NAILED IT!" :) Yes, I know I am weird. So here are the ways that I plan on doing these things...
1. Build better community and stop sitting around and being a loner.
   a. Take one person a week to coffee or dinner
   b. Be a better mentor to the jr high girls I work with through sleep overs and hang out sessions
   c. Write one card a week to anyone about anything purely to work on encouraging the body of Christ
   d. Be more focused on building relationships with others for their sake, not mine
   e. Go riding with my cousin once a month (at least. more if possible)
2. Don't spend money on myself aside from necessity and things that help build community/glorify the Kingdom (With exceptions of souvenirs while being on vacation)
3. Go to Florida on Valentines day to deliver a very special gift to the person who quite possibly has the other half of my heart (Sarah Watson)
4. Go to Guatemala
5. Read my bible EVERYDAY for 365 without missing even one!
6. Be more intentional about what I say and what I mean by it as not to talk poorly about others or offend anyone
7. Be more kind to my family because I'll admit, I suck at it!
8. Be a shining light to everyone around me by always having a good attitude and smiling more often
9. Be more intentional about my prayer life and calling on the name of the Lord. He answers those who call!
10. Use the money that I am not spending on myself for more random acts of kindness and helping have compassion on others.

These are some things God has placed on my heart. Trust me, I'll fail. I know I will. But, I am vowing to work on them and trusting Jesus everyday to help me better myself for His kingdom! I hope you all will join me in this endeavor and really think about and focus on the things God is asking you to do in this new year to better HIS kingdom!