My inspiration today has actually been brewing for a while now....
Let's start back in oct. (or so) when the decision to quit my job was made. Zach and I decided that with his grueling and odd work schedule and my normal Mon. To Fri. Schedule, we would likely not see each other because he is mostly off in the middle of the week. Since we did not "need" my income we figured it would be best for me to be home and able to spend time with him when he is off instead of having to be wrapped up in phone calls and emails that come along with working from home. Me not have to work? Sweet! ......or so I thought. People who know me all too well were questioning how I would occupy myself which began me in a tail spin of heroic ideas. "I'll volunteer at a soup kitchen or find a way to make a difference in the world!" Let the OKC volunteer position research begin.
Fast forward to about a week before the wedding when it all hit me like a ton of bricks in the face. "I'm moving. Hold the phone, I didn't sign up for this! I signed up for quitting my job and getting married but moving two hours away from where I currently call home and love?! nonono. I've worked for a year and a half to build this support network. Move to Tornado alley?! no thanks." Needless to say I had a major freak out and had to be convinced that selling Zach's house and making him move two hours away from his well paying job to live in a tiny apartment in Tulsa just so my life wouldn't change was not a good idea. The convincing worked. I was settled with the idea of moving.......in that moment.
Fast forward again through "oh so happy wedding and honeymoon" period to the day Zach left for his first rotation of shifts. I.was.a.mess. I think I cried for hours on end and pitied myself for about a week. I let myself have some grieving time before the "heroine" would get to work. A week became a few weeks (throwing Christmas and a few happy visitors in there). I did manage to get transferred from the Tulsa bible study fellowship group to the OKC one in this time period.
Finally, it was the end of Jan. This was when I jumped on a plane to Florida to visit one of my bestest (yes it's a word :p) friends. On that plane ride I finished the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. This began a whole new inspiration to be the heroine I just "knew" I was supposed to be. Let more research and ideas commence.
Fast forward a third time through February where I decided I really needed to get off my butt, so, I applied for a job, did more research, emailed a local organization seeing if they needed help and had several "what am I doing with my life?!" conversations with a few people. Nothing came of any of the "plans" I made for myself.
Finally we get to present day. Let's just say that still nothing has happened and I've even applied for another job somewhere in there and heard nothing back. For the last few days the story of Mary and Martha has been rolling through my head. We are studying Matthew in Bible Study Fellowship right now so it comes as no surprise to me that this story is fresh in my mind....but why? For the past 36 hours the words "be Mary, not Martha" have been floating through my mind. I keep hearing it over and over. "God? Is that you?" It dawned on me, there has never been a time in my life when I haven't had school or work consuming my everyday. This time I have is a gift. Martha was too distracted by being prepared and "doing" that she totally missed it. But, Jesus blessed Mary for being the one who truly got it. Jesus was there. He was with them and he wouldn't be there for very long. Mary knew that soaking in every second that she had to sit at his feet was 100000000% worth putting the "doing" aside for. Has God called me to be a light for his kingdom and be reaching the lost? ABSOLUTELY! Are there times that he wants us to enjoy his presence without daily distraction? YES! So, for now, I will put aside my "heroine" attitude and realize that Jesus is calling me. What is he calling me to do? He is calling me to enjoy his presence because I may never have a time like this again.