Sometimes I wish insecurity wasn't a word in my vocabulary but somehow it always seems to find me. I don't understand why I can be so secure in Jesus but still feel insecure in this world! When I meet new people I wonder if they are judging me. When I am getting to know new friends I feel the need to be around them as much as possible to make sure that they love me and think only good things about me. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA! Don't get me wrong, I am WAY less insecure then I have ever been (it was bad in high school) but it still sneaks it's way in there. Do I show it? Hardly ever! But I can feel it and I catch myself doing it and it is irritating as heck!
It is not usually a fun thing when someone comes up to me and says "you are one of the strongest people I've ever met" because it is normally when I am going through a time of "strengthening" and feel so insecure it's not funny. I don't want to be strong most of the time and I know I don't have to be because I have someone who can be strong for me and His name is Jesus. That does not mean that I don't feel the blows as they come at me but it does mean that I don't have to take them alone. I want to be so secure in Jesus that I NEVER doubt. For the most part this is true already but in the end it comes down to my sinners heart and I WILL fail. I am so glad my Jesus is there to pick me back up when I do.